I do have hobbies. I like to cook. I make glass beads. In the next couple of months, I'll be taking some art classes that, I hope, will help me make prettier glass and silver "objects d'art."
But, I've yet to find my "inner artist." My work in the arts is typically without focus. I sit down and do stuff. Most of the really nice pieces that I produce are accidental...without any real intention. I have no particular style.
This lack of focus and style is why I don't call myself an artist. An artist has a style, an artist has a direction, the work with Intention. I just seem to mess around without any real inspiration. I keep trying new things, thinking that I'll find my Muse, my Special Talent. So far, I'm enjoying my hobbies very much.
I do wish that I had an artist's brain. I've tried to explain this to people and they just tell me I'm being too hard on myself (the "being too hard on myself" comments that I hear have become a new pet peeve...a topic for a different post). How do I explain the feeling, as I sit in the glass studio, wondering what to do next, desperately searching my mind for some creative idea? And coming up with static. The artists that I've met don't have a lot of static in their brain.
I think about writing and come up with titles and vague story lines. But, that's as far as it goes. I'm thinking of joining a writing group, in the hopes that, with support, I can put some focus into these vague ideas.
I love creating things, but I never become an expert at any of my endeavors. Am I a dilettante in all things or just not found my true calling?
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